LOVE & PAIN

 

 LOVE

What is LOVE? I keep on asking myself what really is love, but I can’t seem to figure out the answer to this question. Is it when I saw someone that makes my heart race? But this happens to me all the time with different people. I tried to figure out the answer by watching dramas but it is very complicated, yes! human emotion is very complicated and it is hard to understand.

To many encounters and too many emotions involved but it is with you that stands out the most. Why are you so special? We don’t talk much, we don’t have time - even seeing each other, but why do I always crave for your attention? I wondered what did you do to make me end this way, I questioned myself for feeling this kind of emotion. Why do I get so happy just by looking at you or even more when I spend even just few seconds with you, why?

I can’t seem to figure whether or not this feeling that I have is love or just sympathy. This emotion gives me butterflies in the stomach but why? I never imagined nor consider myself feeling this towards you, your physical attributes are not my type, you can’t even level to my standards and this leaves a big question – WHY?

Do I want to feel this way? Definitely not! Do I like and enjoy feeling this way? It seems that my heart says yeas but my head says I do not. It is hard to figure out and try to understand this emotion that I have now but I don’t have anything else to think of but love. Maybe this is love, my mind may deny but my heart says differently – this must have been love.

PAIN

Dealing with this emotion is harder than I thought, it is not as easy as what is portrayed in the dramas. I know that this is not “right love at a wrong time” because loving you is wrong but I can’t help it. As days gone by, the feeling grow even more and it’s more painful than the last time.

Seeing you happy with someone else always break my heart, it hurts not physically but I can feel it, my mind is telling me how much it hurts and it is breaking me into pieces. How exactly I entered this door of painful emotion? Why did I let myself engage into this messy feeling? My head is full of uncertainties and questions that I know I can’t get an answer. I want to get out from this nightmare but I don’t know how.

Why does it hurt even though I know that you care nothing for me? Why do I have to deal with this kind of hell? I know nothing about love nor the pain that it causes; so, why did I let myself in? This is exactly the opposite of what I dreamed of and I want to wake up from this obsessive feeling because it is suffocating.

You are happy and I feel neglected. You are okay and I am not. You are at peace and living your life as if nothing happened and I am living the hell that this emotion has caused me. Is this really love? How is love become this so painful? A pain that I don’t think I can handle and I don’t know how to heal from this. Then I realized, love and pain are one, you cannot love without feeling the pain. But why? This is so sudden and it is too late for me to let go of this emotion because I realized it late. Now I am hurt and this pain keeps growing bigger but I have to let this emotion go.